Karlo...you so crazy!

Sometimes I read something so crazy it makes me cackle out loud, using my cackle-laugh, not my giggling or somewhat-amused laugh. The cackle laugh is ugly.

I will not pretend to have dug up this little nugget myself...I found it on the (in my opinion) bestest gossip blog around, laineygossip.com, that is. These little diamonds are outta the mouth of none other than Karl Lagerfeld himself, in an interview tih the Sunday Times:

“They sent a private jet. I said, ‘It’s too small. I need a bigger plane.’ It’s fun, no?”

“I buy my shoes a size too small. I like the way it feels.”

“I have no problem with journalists – many are friends. Only if they are really stupid, or if they’ve got bad breath, or if they smell. Yesterday [after the Chanel couture show] I had a problem. I said, ‘I’m sorry, you’ve got to tell this woman that she needs to be taken away. Her smell is not possible.’ ”

"I don’t need meetings. I’m only interested in my own opinion anyway."

Gems! Gems! These are all gems!

He buys his shoes small cause he likes the way it feels. It's so masochistic, so insane, so, so, so...Karl!

I worship Karl Lagerfeld, he is too brilliant for words.

Christian Bale in Armani PLUS his hot wheels

Scottie N. sent this image to my inbox this morning (a huge thank you for that!). How did he know I was scouring the internet yesterday for quite such a thing?

All I have to say about it is:

OMG. OMG. Oh. My. God.

Words. Words. I have no words.

I need to sit and be quiet for a while.

Christian Bale in Armani

I'm so excited! The sublime Christian Bale is decked out in hand-tailored Giorgio Armani gear in the latest Batman flick, due out this weekend.

Just for the record, I will faithfully battle the weekend summer blockbuster crowds and line up to see this movie, 6 months pregnant and all, because I want to see him in his Armani suits.

And I don't even give a rat's fanny about Batman.

Would write more, friends, but my mind is too addled with thoughts of Christian Bale dressed to the nines as billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne.

Hubba!!!!

From here to maternity

Imagine wearing this crazy getup during your pregnancy? I don't flippin think so.

Thank heavens the floaty silhouette is in this summer, or else I'd be up fatso creek without a paddle.

I am "in the family way" (isn't that the dumbest expression ever?) and let me tell you, finding cute clothes that fit isn't so easy.

Sure, you hear that it's easy, and in theory, you think, why yes, I can be a fashionable pregnant lady.

Um, no you can't.

Because:
1) Maternity pants fall down and make your ass look saggy
2) You can't wear really flat shoes or really high heels. In fact, experts recommend a two-inch broad-soled shoe. Right. Did you read that? Have you even seen a pair of shoes that match that description other than in an old-lady shoe shop?
3) All those well-shod pregnant celebrities are buying clothes at boutiques you can't possibly afford
4) Gap is closing down it's maternity sections in Canada. So you're stuck with Old Navy instead. I can wear Gap, I can't wear Old Navy. You can try. More power to you.

Luckily I'm still able to fit some of my sundresses and blouses from last summer, and the few things I did buy at regular stores are billlowy.

Is this the world's cheapest dress?

This dress costs $8.98 at Steve & Barry's, the chain store that Sarah Jessica Parker designed her line "Bitten" for.

I read this story yesterday in the New York Times. How do Steve & Barry's do it? Nothing in the store costs more than $9, and we're talking jeans and shoes here, peeps.

I once bought a dress from Canadian discount clothes retailer Joe Fresh, regular retail price, $12. It had dainty working covered buttons on the side, adjustable spaghetti straps, and a considerable amount of pintucking below the bust. While I was paying for it, the dress boggled my mind. How could it only be $12? I decided it must be a loss-leader....like those sale-type items that stores promote just to get folks in the door, even though they don't make any profit, they get you buying other incidental goodies at full price.

But perhaps not. Steve & Barry's owners (it's a private company) say that they have slim margins and do everything budget-style, and use cheap labour (no kidding on that one).

SJP wore this dress out recently.

But the question is, should you?

Jelly shoes are back. You likey?

Jelly shoes! Remember the 80s? Stirrup pants (wasn't allowed to have them) and jelly shoes (also wasn't allowed to have them) and jelly bracelets (thankfully was allowed to have those) were big.

So...do you like these?

I flippin hate them.

Givenchy jelly shoes in baby pink, featured prominently on Style.com. Marc Jacobs did a version of them last year.

Jelly shoes are bad, people. Don't go there. They make your feet all sweaty and blister-prone. Sweaty feet means smelly feet.

And I'm not just saying that cause I wasn't allowed to have them.

Although that might play a small part in it.

Anna Wintour made the Rodarte sisters lose weight

If you've read this month's issue of Vogue, the one with the controversial Gisele/LeBron James cover, you'll find a particularly salacious article on how a Vogue editor approached the Rodarte sisters to "get healthy".

Of course, this is Anna Wintour's magazine, and you realize "get healthy" is really code for "lose weight, fatso."

She made Oprah lose weight to be on the cover of Vogue some years back. Yes. Oprah. Yes, that Oprah. Oprah. Yes. Holier-than-thou, beatified, sainted Oprah.

So, anyhow, the Rodarte girls are a bit chubby. I'd say voluptuous, but that would make them sound sexier than they are. So let's just stick with chubby. Why are they chubby? They sew lots of details on their sometimes kooky, sometimes beautiful dresses by hand. A lot of details. They're inside. A lot. They eat a lot of candy. They live in southern California. They drive everywhere and they don't get lots of exercise.

But now they're thinner, and they had to chronicle their "getting healther"/losing weight for Vogue. By their account, it sounded pretty miserable. Daily visits to a trainer, delivered meals (that part didn't sound so bad). And no candy.

Isn't Anna Wintour outrageous! She's great. She thinks people are too fat and she makes them diet.

Tom Ford in L.A.

Tom Ford is just impeccable. I love him.

Never much cared for his minimalist Gucci collections probably because I am not much into minimalism. I have too much untameable hair for minimalism. Though I very much respect how he turned that wrinkled, fusty Italian fashion house into something fabulous in the 90s.

LaineyGossip.com's been on a mini Tom Ford kick as of late. Here he is, snapped on a plane.

She says:

"While everyone else travels for comfort, Tom Ford gets on a plane in a 3 piece suit.

Do you love it, or do you LOVE it? "

Yes, I love it. Look at his shoes. Look at his pocket square. I love pocket squares. It's very hubba.

She also says some other hilarious, lascivious things, things that I can't repeat because unlike her Chinese mom, my Chinese mom/censor actually reads my blog (Hi Mom! Stop reading my blog now, ok?!)

You'll just have to read her post to see what she says.

Lainey that is. Not my mom.

Guess what! Another actress with a clothing line

I know. I know. I haven't blogged since, like, forever (months). I've been hibernating. It's been cold. What can I say.

Well, I can say this...

Another actress has...guess what. Guess what. Can you guess? Why, another actress has launched a clothing line, you silly goose!

This time it's fashion walking-disaster/visionary Chloe Sevigny. I can't even get into all the outfits she's foisted on us as I don't want you to have a nervous breakdown, but let it suffice to say that she once wore a pair of too-big heels, and secured them to her feet using big rubber bands.

She's released a whole lot of calico ugliness for Opening Ceremony in NYC.

(By the way...Opening Ceremony...most brilliant idea for a shop ever. Every year they carry one brand, culled from anywhere, recently UK's Topshop)

Anyhow, the whole thing is a big Who Cares, but if you want a laugh check out the catfight among commenters on nymag.com regarding their Chloe story: http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2007/09/chloe_sevigny_designs_the_clot_1.html

Over and out, y'all.

Lululemon togs NOT made of seaweed...oh WOW!

In the last couple days, the big word on the street is that Lululemon's clothing doesn't contain seaweed.

So what.

Is that really any surprise? Do people believe everything they read? And who cares? It's not such a big deal, is it?

OK--let's look at this logically--even if it did contain seaweed, which supposed reacts with moisture to "release amino acids, minerals and vitamins" what would happen if you washed it with detergent? What, the seaweed would still be as intact as a fresh maki roll?

I don't think so. Skepticism, people, skepticism. Along with accessories, honey, it's the only thing that separates us from the animals.

Who the f*ck are these models, anyway

Perhaps the foul mood has been triggered by arriving at the office at an eye-scorching 7:15 this morning. Anyhoo, I clicked over to style.com just now, home of my beloved Vogue, for a look at what's cooking in the Model Diaries (http://www.style.com/vogue/modeldiaries/080807 if you care enough to cut and paste. I'm guessing you don't.)

Who the fug is this Coco Rocha model they're profiling anyway? This is Vogue. Vogue. Don't they have some damn clout? Can't they get anyone better than Natalia Vodianova? Other that the unillustrious Coco who may or may not be a full-blooded Irish lass, they've got some waif called Raquel Zimmerman from Brazil. I mean, come on. We all know that real supermodels come from Canada. Where's Daria Werbowy, Irina Lazareanu. Oh yeah, they do have a profile on Shalom, but who the hell cares about her anyway.

Ohh, big early 90s flashback. Remember Montreal Yasmeen Ghauri back in the Naomi Campbell/Christy Turlington/Claudia Schiffer heyday? She had big (for a supermodel) rounded shoulders. Of course, that probably means that they were 12 inches across.

Canadian dollar worth more than US buck – that means I can buy more clothes online!

Happy times.

I'm going to scour Bluefly.com, Anthropolgie.com and feel all superior now that our lowly Loonie (that's a one-dollar coin) is finally flying high.

Can you believe it?

I never thought I'd see the day the Canadian dollar was worth more than the Greenback.

Ok, sorry, gotta go shopping now....

Chloe Sevigny, Anna Wintour, Roger Federer

It's been a fortnight since I've blogged, and longer (gulp) since I've been to the gym. My paunch is growing. I've noticed all it takes is a few resto meals and a couple weeks away from the gym and presto, flab city. But hey, I moved to a new house and we're relaunching the website I'm the editor of. I been busy.

But you didn't visit me here to read about my visceral fat, you want to know about fashion.

Fashion week is over in NYC. I grieve that I don't live there, really I do. (Minus the bedbugs. I hear Manhattan has a raging bedbug problem).

Anna Wintour, that delicious diva of Vogue, and Roger Federer, the tennis superstar with the floppy hair and impeccable clothing are total BFFs (that's best friends forever, you knob).

Hmm. What else?

Oh, guess what, guess what.

Sometime actress/weird-clothes wearer Chloé Sevigny has, can you guess? Can you guess?

Launched her own fashion collection.

Quelle surprise.

Actually I think she has an individual, quirky, truly fashiony style and so I am interested in seeing what her collection looks like. Em. Sort of.

Fashion is timeless

Supposedly you can wear white pants all year round.

Um, yeah, sure, if you're Victoria Gotti, maybe.

This is what the Wall Street Journal reports.

What the fug do they know about fashion over anyway?

Read the whole story here, if you can be bothered:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB118843034338212804.html?mod=home_personal_journal_left

Celebrity style

Because this is my blog and I can write what I want and I'm lazy as all get-out today, I'm just going to write about celebs and their "style". Here we go:

Lindsay Lohan--she just hones in on the couture, I hear. Don't like her style, she's trampy.

Gwen Stefani--an icon. Glamourous. Oddball. Looks scary as hell though on the current cover of In Style Magazine. Harajuku meets Chola meets Prepster.

Jennifer Aniston--boring as hell, no style, she's admitted as much on Oprah or Letterman or something.

Angelina Jolie (come on, had to put them back to back! It's like boring Debbie Reynolds versus smokin' hot Liz Taylor vying over Eddie Fisher)--yeah, she's got a modicum of it.

SJP--you know what I think of her. Totally useless in the fashion department.

Reese Witherspoon--I dunno.

Scarlett Johansson--very New York casual.

Rosario Dawson--she's awesome, she's a true New York hipster and dresses the part.

The Olsen Twins--no comment.

Victoria Beckham--She looked pretty good a few years ago when she had long hair and was rocking a kind of Spanish Soccer Wife look. Not digging the new frosty, hard edged look. It's just too contrived, circa Fall '06.

Those crazy boobs of hers freak me out, too.

Check out this photo and tell me, how does she (far left) tuck her nipples so deep inside her top? I'm confused.

And on that note, how the hell did Sporty Spice, next to her, become the total hottie of the group?

Why I think men should dress like cowboys

I like my men in suits. Don't blame me. I grew up in the inner city in the 80s. I don't like weird suits, either. I like nice dark suits, maybe with a little pinstripe but nothing too dandified.

However, I am a convert to cowboy style.

Dusty, rough and unique to the American lexicon...it's the cowboy. The Marlboro man. He smells like tobacco and leather. Of course, having grown up in Toronto I have never actually laid eyes let alone smelled a real cowboy. That's ok. My imagination is fertile.

Today I'm am particularly partial to an extremely attractive Welsh man dressed up like a cowboy.

Saliva, saliva, saliva.

Who is it?

Why, it's Christian Bale of course!

Scroll down and tell me, just tell me this isn't the most delicious sight ever.

He's starring in some shoot'em up film called 3:20 to Yuma with talented, telephone throwing bad boy Russell Crowe.

It's cowboy chic.

Eat it up, ladies.

I'm all over it.








I'm going to see if Niall, aka the husband, aka "Herself" aka the ghetto girl's version of Christian Bale, will dress up like this. Wish me luck!

Fashion is going in all directions this fall

I'm waiting for a clear directive to materialize. Last year it was straightforward. Out with the pointy stillettos, the tapered silhouette, in with voluminous tops, chunky rounded toe platform heels. At the time, I thought it was very glam. I still do.

But flipping through the September issue of fashion magazines, I'm a bit confused.

I feel like not much has changed. There are lots of grays and blacks (I seem to recall that from last year, too). Same-ish strange new silhouettes.

On that note: bracelet length jackets and coats.

One word: Why?

Actually, they are exceedingly chic, and very flattering. It's a lovely length, especially if you don't have long arms (guilty). However, they are just as impractical as they are fashion-worthy for us folks in cold climates. In other words, everywhere you'd actually wear a bracelet length jacket, your wrists will freeze.

You do have to suffer to look hot. I'm convinced this is fashion karma kicking us for getting away with flats for the last year.

Marc by Marc Jacobs Teri purse in Stone

You lika thisa bag?

I like it too. It's from Marc by Marc Jacobs (not to be confused with the more expensive Marc Jacobs line).

I liked it so much, I bought it on the weekend.

Then I suffered major, gutwrenching buyer's remorse. I mean--really bad. I'm moving, in theory, I can't afford it. My heart says yes. My credit card says, Bitch, put me back in the wallet and stop abusing me.

I took it home. Then I didn't take it out of it's glossy big shopping bag for a day. Very unlike me. I'm of the use-it-the-next-day ilk.

Today, I wore it to work. And I loves loves loves it.

It's so big and roomy.

It's the Teri purse from Marc by Marc Jacobs. Love the feel, love the heft. Did not love the pricetag, but hey, life's short.

Karl Lagerfeld to launch accessory line that's affordable(ish)

Oh Karl. How I love me some Karl.

WWD.com is reporting that he's got a new license to produce a line of accessories. Moreover, it'll be affordable.

Oh yay. Something from Carlo that I can actually afford. There will be handbags, small leather goods and luggage. I hate small leather goods and am paranoid a cracked out baggage handler would steal my luggage, but the handbags....mmm, I could go for that.

Jessica Simpson's new clothing line

Jessica Simpson (also known as "Jugs" over at perezhilton.com) has...guess what? Guess what? Can you guess???

She has...wait for it...launched a new clothing line.

Holla to MyItThings.com for breaking this news. Or at least, breaking this news to me.

What is wrong with these celebs? Hmm? Ok, mind you, she's barely even a celeb, her marriage was the most famous thing about her. Next to the jugs, that is, and her pervy "She's got DDs!" dad, Joe Simpson.

So now this. A clothing collection.

You like it? You be the judge.

Me, I'm tired of commenting on celebs' inane lines of clothing. Ohh sooo tired. So tired. Fingers can barely type out the words.

Can't they just stick to wearing fancy dresses that the studio seamstresses made them, like in ye golden era? What the hell.